Monday, January 5, 2009

God is in control

Hey everyone,

Just wanted to let you know sometimes I have bloggers remorse, kind of like buyers remorse because I worry about revealing too much and being judged for it. So if you see that I deleted a blog that was previously posted that is why.

Before I was a christian I had a rebellious, do not care what you think about me attitude. Now I so worry at times about being judged that I am afraid to reveal certain things about my life. Hopefully God will bring me to the place where I am comfortable in my own skin and do not worry so much about others opinions. I am really trying hard to quit being such a people pleaser in life and focus my attention on being a God pleaser.

I am in recovery for codependency right now. Most of my life I have played the role of rescuer and peace maker at the cost of my own sanity at times. I was the oldest child and care taker of my younger brother and sister. Most of my life I have sought out people to rescue, because that is all I really knew how to do. Sometimes you have to question that if you are trying to fit a square peg in a round hole maybe that relationship is not a healthy one for you.

God is revealing to me lately that it does not make me a bad christian if I do not want to hang around certain people. I do get to choose how I spend my time and with whom. Some people are just not healthy for you.

Other than a couple of beers and a glass of champagne I have been alcohol free for almost 13 years. About every three years on my birthday I will have one drink just to prove to myself it does not have mastery over me anymore. This is my choice because I saw how destructive alcoholism can be to a family. I also had an uncle with not only a drinking problem, but a huge substance abuse problem, and he eventually committed suicide.

For today I am second. God is first. Check out the website sometime. It is awesome!

It is a constant struggle to turn my will over to God and not try and take control again. When I truly "accept the things I cannot change or people I cannot change" that is when peace ensues. I have no control over what my husband or friends do. I have no control over the choices that they make. I only can choose for myself which path that I will take.

We can choose how we will respond as well.

Meditate on this prayer today:

God grant me the serentiy to
Accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference

God is good and he cares about your life. Love to you all.


  1. I find myself saying "we can only control our own reaction to a situation" often. In life it is very easy to try to want to change someone else and not look at ourselves. Good blog!

  2. I took off my rescuer cape a few years back and I can't tell you how good it felt to just relinquish the need to fix others and their problems. We can't really do it anyway, which is why we get so darn frustrated trying! I had to learn to disern the difference between helping someone work out a problem and actually taking ownership of their problem.

    Interesting... I was the eldest caretaker of my younger siblings, just like you. Hmmm....

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. And YES - GOD IS IN CONTROL!