Just wanted to let you know sometimes I have bloggers remorse, kind of like buyers remorse because I worry about revealing too much and being judged for it. So if you see that I deleted a blog that was previously posted that is why.
Before I was a christian I had a rebellious, do not care what you think about me attitude. Now I so worry at times about being judged that I am afraid to reveal certain things about my life. Hopefully God will bring me to the place where I am comfortable in my own skin and do not worry so much about others opinions. I am really trying hard to quit being such a people pleaser in life and focus my attention on being a God pleaser.
I am in recovery for codependency right now. Most of my life I have played the role of rescuer and peace maker at the cost of my own sanity at times. I was the oldest child and care taker of my younger brother and sister. Most of my life I have sought out people to rescue, because that is all I really knew how to do. Sometimes you have to question that if you are trying to fit a square peg in a round hole maybe that relationship is not a healthy one for you.
God is revealing to me lately that it does not make me a bad christian if I do not want to hang around certain people. I do get to choose how I spend my time and with whom. Some people are just not healthy for you.
Other than a couple of beers and a glass of champagne I have been alcohol free for almost 13 years. About every three years on my birthday I will have one drink just to prove to myself it does not have mastery over me anymore. This is my choice because I saw how destructive alcoholism can be to a family. I also had an uncle with not only a drinking problem, but a huge substance abuse problem, and he eventually committed suicide.
For today I am second. God is first. Check out the Iamsecond.com website sometime. It is awesome!
It is a constant struggle to turn my will over to God and not try and take control again. When I truly "accept the things I cannot change or people I cannot change" that is when peace ensues. I have no control over what my husband or friends do. I have no control over the choices that they make. I only can choose for myself which path that I will take.
We can choose how we will respond as well.
Meditate on this prayer today:
God grant me the serentiy to
Accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference
God is good and he cares about your life. Love to you all.